What will drunken Salukis eat at 3 A.M. now?

My friend Kerri got a text on Saturday letting us know that Winston the Bagel Man was dead. If you've ever partied in Carbondale, Illinois, you probably know who Winston is. Or was. He made really good bagels.

I immediately called my brother, who is a recent graduate of SIU-Carbondale. He gasped and immediately followed up the news by asking, "How did you find this out?"

And on and on, that was the question of the day. How did we know for sure that Winston the Bagel Man had died?

We decided that we probably wouldn't find out if Dan the Preacher Man or Spare Anything or Cleve died.

And I guess that's just as well. I'd like for those legends to live on forever. Even Cleve, despite his unfaltering yet inexplicable hatred for me.