You can punch me in the face, if you want...

Today I braved the absolute hell that is the mall immediately after the holidays.

Sidenote: Can this leggings trend please go away? I'm jealous of all the cute little skinny, flat-chested whores that get to step out looking like Lohanminal.

I decided that I had worked up a little appetite, so I stopped at Ben and Jerry's for a delicious smoothie. The stand was staffed by a sprite of a man, who turned out to be quite insane.

"Can I help you?"

"Uhh, yeah. Can I get any smoothie I want without the yogurt, just the fruit?"

"Of course. You can get anything you want."

"Ok... Can I get the strawberry lemonade smoothie without yogurt?"

"Sure, you can even punch me in the face, if you want."

Um, what? I paused for just a second to comprehend what the man said, but my bewilderment rapidly evolved into "Don't tempt me, buddy. I was attacked by a coffee mug a couple of days ago, and my lip still has a knot in it. I would love to redirect my pain to your face."

But, I didn't punch him. Instead, I laughed awkwardly and patiently waited for him to concoct my strawberry lemonade smoothie WITH the yogurt that I made such a fuss about NOT wanting. Then, even though he got my order wrong, I tipped him a dollar because he said that the money went directly toward his bus fare.

I should have at least kicked him in the shins.