Well, isn't that special?
I have a situation in my life that I only recently bothered to mention to any of my friends. Only by their shocked reactions did I realize that maybe this little situation isn't the most normal thing in the world. What I once just accepted as simply part of the daily routine has now been flipped turned upside down. You see, I'm being psychostalked by the Church Lady. And apparently, that's extremely weird and scary.
It all started about a year and a half ago. A lady by the name of Linda started calling me at home, and now that I think about it, I'm not sure how she got my phone number in the first place. She would just ask for one minute of my time so that she could read a Bible verse to me. What was I supposed to say? So, I would accept, she would read, explain in a sentence what it meant, and tell me to have a nice day. I will admit, it was a nice little pick me up. Lord knows I'm not the frequent church-going type, and I'm not reading the Good Book every night before it's time for nonny. So, why not listen to Linda?
Our little relationship took a turn for the worse when Churchie asked if she could send me a brochure in the mail entitled "What God Expects from Us." Like the ball-less person I am, I said sure. Little did I know that she would call me a few days later, hoping to discuss the brochure. I ended up spending 20 minutes on the phone while she asked me to read to her and paraphrase the verses we were covering. I have never been so uncomfortable or embarrassed in my life. I've only recently started blatantly hanging up on courtesy callers, so there was no way I could tell this woman that I wasn't interested in talking to her anymore.
Since I'm a struggling full-time grad student, I cut corners where necesssary. I don't have caller ID on my landline phone. After receiving the brochure in the mail and being forced into Sunday School via the telephone, I started heavily screening my calls and disguising my voice when I did decide to answer. If it was Linda, I told her that "Katie wasn't home." I'm not sure if she felt the slap in the face everytime I outrageously lied to her or if she was so optimistic with God's love that she believed that it really wasn't me. She never left a message on my answering machine when I honestly wasn't home, and she never left a number for my "roommate" to call her back.
A few days ago, I was home during the day and mistakenly answered my phone. It was the Church Lady wanting to discuss more of the brochure. I put her on hold while I searched for the pamphlet, and then I remembered that I had thrown it away. I lied again and told her that I was moving soon, and I had probably packed up the brochure in one of several boxes. She then asked me if she could visit me at home to hand deliver a new brochure. Good God, who is this woman? I told her I had to work all weekend, so it wouldn't be a good time for me. But of course I never told her that I wasn't comfortable with the idea of a potential visit.
I mean, if it was someone trying to sell me encyclopedias, I could probably work up the nerve to tell her to back up off me. But, she's a holy-rolling Bible thumper. It's a sensitive topic and fine line we're walking here. It's pissing me off though because she's using her supposed good intents to cross some boundaries into my private life. I don't even know her, why would I allow her into my home? And did she have no shame getting my phone number in the first place, calling a complete stranger at home, any hour of the day? I don't like pushy Christians.
My goal is to refrain from answering the phone until I move in with Jables in May. Call me on my cell phone if you wish to speak at me. And please don't give the Church Lady my future address. If you have an idea of a better way to handle this situation, outside of being upfront with the woman, then let me know.
It all started about a year and a half ago. A lady by the name of Linda started calling me at home, and now that I think about it, I'm not sure how she got my phone number in the first place. She would just ask for one minute of my time so that she could read a Bible verse to me. What was I supposed to say? So, I would accept, she would read, explain in a sentence what it meant, and tell me to have a nice day. I will admit, it was a nice little pick me up. Lord knows I'm not the frequent church-going type, and I'm not reading the Good Book every night before it's time for nonny. So, why not listen to Linda?
Our little relationship took a turn for the worse when Churchie asked if she could send me a brochure in the mail entitled "What God Expects from Us." Like the ball-less person I am, I said sure. Little did I know that she would call me a few days later, hoping to discuss the brochure. I ended up spending 20 minutes on the phone while she asked me to read to her and paraphrase the verses we were covering. I have never been so uncomfortable or embarrassed in my life. I've only recently started blatantly hanging up on courtesy callers, so there was no way I could tell this woman that I wasn't interested in talking to her anymore.
Since I'm a struggling full-time grad student, I cut corners where necesssary. I don't have caller ID on my landline phone. After receiving the brochure in the mail and being forced into Sunday School via the telephone, I started heavily screening my calls and disguising my voice when I did decide to answer. If it was Linda, I told her that "Katie wasn't home." I'm not sure if she felt the slap in the face everytime I outrageously lied to her or if she was so optimistic with God's love that she believed that it really wasn't me. She never left a message on my answering machine when I honestly wasn't home, and she never left a number for my "roommate" to call her back.
A few days ago, I was home during the day and mistakenly answered my phone. It was the Church Lady wanting to discuss more of the brochure. I put her on hold while I searched for the pamphlet, and then I remembered that I had thrown it away. I lied again and told her that I was moving soon, and I had probably packed up the brochure in one of several boxes. She then asked me if she could visit me at home to hand deliver a new brochure. Good God, who is this woman? I told her I had to work all weekend, so it wouldn't be a good time for me. But of course I never told her that I wasn't comfortable with the idea of a potential visit.
I mean, if it was someone trying to sell me encyclopedias, I could probably work up the nerve to tell her to back up off me. But, she's a holy-rolling Bible thumper. It's a sensitive topic and fine line we're walking here. It's pissing me off though because she's using her supposed good intents to cross some boundaries into my private life. I don't even know her, why would I allow her into my home? And did she have no shame getting my phone number in the first place, calling a complete stranger at home, any hour of the day? I don't like pushy Christians.
My goal is to refrain from answering the phone until I move in with Jables in May. Call me on my cell phone if you wish to speak at me. And please don't give the Church Lady my future address. If you have an idea of a better way to handle this situation, outside of being upfront with the woman, then let me know.
posted by quank at 5:49 PM
3 Comments:
Maybe reverse psychology? Tell her you're a nun, and that you don't have time to talk because you must spend your time doing the Lord's work.
Have your roommate answer the phone when this supposed "Church Lady" calls and tell her that, "Oh, you didn't hear? Katie was raptured? Were you left behind? I guess you'll have to talk to Kirk Cameron about that ... if he's still around, that is."
That will put the fear of God into the Church Lady.
When she calls, just hang up on her. Click! My seventh grade girlfriend got the picture eventually... or was that me who got hung up on?
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