What a girl wants, what a girl needs...
I am a chick. I love flicks. However, I do not necessarily like chick flicks. There are definitely some movies out there that cater to the female demographic more than the penis-carrying crowd that are indeed worth watching. Maybe even multiple times if you purchase them on DVD. But man, there are some horrible chick flicks that make me want to vomit. Sometimes the sappiness is just too much, and frankly, I don't know how the male actors involved in these movies can sleep at night. (Cusack and McConaughey, I'm looking right at you). These are the movies that make me scream at the television screen when I'm home alone because it's just too much. These are the movies that make me think I should write a screenplay. Here is a brief list of some of the worst:
1. Just Like Heaven - Perhaps just the worst movie of all time. And you'd think that Reese would give you something to work with. She's a smart girl. Britt and I saw this in the theater, and we talked during the whole thing because it was so ridiculous. And we literally predicted everything that happened, including at the very end of the movie when the camera pans away from Reese and her honey standing in a garden...and then turns out, they are really figures in a snowglobe. A snowglobe, people.
2. How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days - I literally cringed when Kate Hudson sang "You're So Vain" in a flowered sundress, holding a Paris Hilton-esque dog.
3. America's Sweethearts - Ugh. John Cusack, what is your problem? And then Serendipity and Must Love Dogs followed. Where is Lloyd Dobbler when you need him?
4. You've Got Mail - A movie made to purely capitalize on the newest communication medium of the early 90s. I wonder how much AOL paid them for product placement.
5. City of Angels - What a fricking buzzkill. Nick Cage is so not hot. Gag me with a spoon.
Tonight I watched In Her Shoes with Britt and our visiting friend, Vanessa. It was entertaining, not excellent. Cameron Diaz' voice is still like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. It doesn't make my list of favorites, but it's a good renter. Here are some of my favorites:
1. Thelma and Louise - Obviously, Brad Pitt's abs make this movie spectacular. Geena Davis is well above tolerable. These ladies are friends 'til the end. Literally.
2. When a Man Loves a Woman - Andy Garcia is the sweetest man alive. The two little girls are darling. (This is pre-Napolean Dynamite ugliness for the oldest). Meg Ryan is a raging alcoholic, but man do they love each other. I would develop an addiction to hard drugs to have a man love me like that.
3. Clueless - This started my love affair with Donald Faison. Let us overlook the creepy fact that Cher got together with her ex-stepbrother at the end of the movie. And let us also overlook the fact that they have one of the most tongue-enhanced PDAs that I've ever seen. It made me blush. Let us just keep on rollin' with the homies.
4. Mermaids - This came out before Christina Ricci's forehead took over her entire face. I had a infatuation with Winona Ryder around the time of its release, also. I wanted to be her character in Welcome Home, Roxy Charmichael. Oooh, and this movie also has a great dancing-in-the-kitchen-while-making-dinner scene to "If You Wanna Be Happy."
5. Grease - I was one of the people who went to see it in the theater when it was re-released for its 15th anniversary, even though I owned my own copy on VHS. True love and he didn't lay a hand on ya? Sounds like a creep to me.
Finally, here is a list of movies that I think epitomize the general female nature and represent the general female mentality in a smart and real way. Some of them are chick flicks, but not in the ways that we normally think about that genre. I've provided quotes from each movie as my proof of their worth. And I swear I'm not a feminist. Maybe more so than my friend Suzanne who agrees with the stereotype that women are the worst drivers and who would sign a petition to eradicate the LPGA and WNBA in a heartbeat. But I'm really not a feminist.
1. Things You Can Tell Just By Looking At Her - "God says to Adam, 'Adam, I have something for you, but it's gonna cost you an arm and a leg.' Adam thinks for a moment, then decides, 'What can you give me for a rib?'"
2. The Hours - "The meanest patient, yes, even the very lowest is allowed some say in the matter of her own prescription. Thereby she defines her humanity. I wish, for your sake, Leonard, I could be happy in this quietness."
3. Far From Heaven - "We ladies are never what we appear, and every girl has her secrets."
4. Lost in Translation - "I just don't know what I'm supposed to be."
5. Beautiful Girls - "No mater how perfect the nipple, how supple the thigh, unless there is some other shit going on in the relationship, besides the physical, it's going to get old, ok? And you guys, as a gender, have got to get a grip. Otherwise, the future of the human race is in jeopardy."
1. Just Like Heaven - Perhaps just the worst movie of all time. And you'd think that Reese would give you something to work with. She's a smart girl. Britt and I saw this in the theater, and we talked during the whole thing because it was so ridiculous. And we literally predicted everything that happened, including at the very end of the movie when the camera pans away from Reese and her honey standing in a garden...and then turns out, they are really figures in a snowglobe. A snowglobe, people.
2. How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days - I literally cringed when Kate Hudson sang "You're So Vain" in a flowered sundress, holding a Paris Hilton-esque dog.
3. America's Sweethearts - Ugh. John Cusack, what is your problem? And then Serendipity and Must Love Dogs followed. Where is Lloyd Dobbler when you need him?
4. You've Got Mail - A movie made to purely capitalize on the newest communication medium of the early 90s. I wonder how much AOL paid them for product placement.
5. City of Angels - What a fricking buzzkill. Nick Cage is so not hot. Gag me with a spoon.
Tonight I watched In Her Shoes with Britt and our visiting friend, Vanessa. It was entertaining, not excellent. Cameron Diaz' voice is still like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. It doesn't make my list of favorites, but it's a good renter. Here are some of my favorites:
1. Thelma and Louise - Obviously, Brad Pitt's abs make this movie spectacular. Geena Davis is well above tolerable. These ladies are friends 'til the end. Literally.
2. When a Man Loves a Woman - Andy Garcia is the sweetest man alive. The two little girls are darling. (This is pre-Napolean Dynamite ugliness for the oldest). Meg Ryan is a raging alcoholic, but man do they love each other. I would develop an addiction to hard drugs to have a man love me like that.
3. Clueless - This started my love affair with Donald Faison. Let us overlook the creepy fact that Cher got together with her ex-stepbrother at the end of the movie. And let us also overlook the fact that they have one of the most tongue-enhanced PDAs that I've ever seen. It made me blush. Let us just keep on rollin' with the homies.
4. Mermaids - This came out before Christina Ricci's forehead took over her entire face. I had a infatuation with Winona Ryder around the time of its release, also. I wanted to be her character in Welcome Home, Roxy Charmichael. Oooh, and this movie also has a great dancing-in-the-kitchen-while-making-dinner scene to "If You Wanna Be Happy."
5. Grease - I was one of the people who went to see it in the theater when it was re-released for its 15th anniversary, even though I owned my own copy on VHS. True love and he didn't lay a hand on ya? Sounds like a creep to me.
Finally, here is a list of movies that I think epitomize the general female nature and represent the general female mentality in a smart and real way. Some of them are chick flicks, but not in the ways that we normally think about that genre. I've provided quotes from each movie as my proof of their worth. And I swear I'm not a feminist. Maybe more so than my friend Suzanne who agrees with the stereotype that women are the worst drivers and who would sign a petition to eradicate the LPGA and WNBA in a heartbeat. But I'm really not a feminist.
1. Things You Can Tell Just By Looking At Her - "God says to Adam, 'Adam, I have something for you, but it's gonna cost you an arm and a leg.' Adam thinks for a moment, then decides, 'What can you give me for a rib?'"
2. The Hours - "The meanest patient, yes, even the very lowest is allowed some say in the matter of her own prescription. Thereby she defines her humanity. I wish, for your sake, Leonard, I could be happy in this quietness."
3. Far From Heaven - "We ladies are never what we appear, and every girl has her secrets."
4. Lost in Translation - "I just don't know what I'm supposed to be."
5. Beautiful Girls - "No mater how perfect the nipple, how supple the thigh, unless there is some other shit going on in the relationship, besides the physical, it's going to get old, ok? And you guys, as a gender, have got to get a grip. Otherwise, the future of the human race is in jeopardy."
posted by quank at 10:32 PM
4 Comments:
it was funny because after i posted last night, i turned on the tv to find "the 50 best chick flicks" on E! some on their list didn't make it to my "best" list because i'm not sure if i consider them chick flicks. like "jerry maguire."
I thought you told me to watch "Things You Can Tell..." which is #1 on the "movies that [you] think epitomize the general female nature and ... mentiality."
What does that say about what you think about me? Either you think I'm a total wuss or I need to learn much about women... Probably both quite true...
Thanks for giving away the ending to Just Like Heaven ... A snow globe, huh ...
first off, my numbers on my list don't imply rank. just the first things that come to mind.
to elaborate on "things you can tell just by looking at her..." it's not a chick flick per se, but it's about women. all the main characters are women. and it's an "everyone's intertwined" movie a la "magnolia" or "crash." it's just good, so i think you're man enough to handle it.
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